16

I look back at when I was 16.  Scary.  I left high school with few qualifications and went to Geneva to be an au pair.  I bolted!  The first thing I did when I got off the plane was go and have my ears pierced.  My father had been strongly against us making holes in our body.  I looked around for better authoritarian figures.  So I should not be heart broken when my 16 yr old does the same.  Should I?
Yesterday my oldest son looked me in the eye and told me he did not need me any more.  He could look after himself.  He had decided he did not want to move.  He was going to stay and live with his Grandparents.  He was angry.  He even said "don't punish us because of your insecurities!  Just because you think everyone hates you!"  WHAT THE HECK!!!  I pointed out that trying to throw my weaknesses at me did not give his argument strength.  There was a lot said and we came to an agreement about giving it until Christmas.  Not my idea.  I was exhausted, hurt and thrown because here was a boy that had never challenged me in any way.  He never complained, he never asked for anything.  Oh no!  I suddenly saw his whole life.  I have moved him 10 times in 16 years.  I have left him on his first days of school in new schools crying.  I have wept all the way home.  His birth father left him when he was 8.  He had supported me through the divorce and disappearing act of his Dad.  Embraced his new Dad and made the best of everything.  Here was a 6ft hero in front of me.  16.  Thinking he is so grown up and ready to take on the world by himself.

I am a Mum.  What do I do?  Cry.  I realized that Mums are like big huge pieces of play-dough.  Their kids come and take a handful, looking for the right colour that they need.  We smile and try to smooth over the hole, hoping no one will notice.  It is completely impossible to put into words how much I love this boy.  I realize I will never be ready for him to go.  It is inevitable, that is what I have been training him for.  I have had 16 years of adoring from him, the fact that he thinks he can make it alone now means I have done a good job right?
Anyway.  16.  An age where you see your parents' faults (although I do not think everyone hates me, I don't think anyone hates me), an age where you want to be treated like an adult, an age where you want to make some choices that are not your parents' to prove your adultness.  I remember it.  My boy seems to be doing a much better job of it than I did.  And, no, I would never want to go back and do it again!

Happy 39th birthday, Louise.

Louise, you have shown me the greatest example of sacrifice that a person can give.  I am a mother of 5 and always have on lookers see me and ask, "How do you do it".  Well it's nice for me to look at someone else and say,"How do you do it".  Well, I've seen you in action.  I've seen you sacrifice with your children, family, everyone and seen how your life is so successful and how you are truly a great mother to follow.  A mother who manages (and this is the key) to look after, care for - spiritually and temporally, respect, treat well, do all that is needed for her family.

You have the balance of giving yourself time but never at the expense of others.  I'm glad you're my friend.  You are someone that I'd like to be a more like.  You have definitely shown me how to be a great mother.  I love you. God has blessed me to know you in my life. xxx

-Julie J. 


I barely know you at all and yet I think you are one of the most wonderful people that I know! How that is possible?  Must be because your sweetness is able to navigate this digital medium. I can't wait to get to know you better and hopefully meet soon. You (and your family -- yes... all of them!) have a(nother) place to stay in Canada anytime. :-)


-Julie D.


Happy birthday Louise. I only got to live in Southport for a year before coming to the states but i loved having early morning seminary at your house and all the fun things we did. You are an inspiration of motherhood to me. I finished college in England but never had time to get my degree here in between having kids and raising a husband :) So you have shown me that its possible to juggle it all--church,lots of kids and school! You are awesome.

-Wendy J.


Louise, my crazy little sister . Always a law unto yourself, you have always seemed to make good after getting into bad situations. You never cease to surprise. 39 years old and still alive for one thing! But seriously though, getting a first in your degree while raising 11 kids is nothing short of a miracle! Happy birthday Lou and I hope you have a great adventure in Spain. xxx


-Scott

They say still waters run deep. Well, Lou, you are deep as an artesian spring but about as still as a mountain torrent. When we first met 20 years ago, me a missionary serving in Southport and you a ward missionary, your offbeat sense of humor, unique style, and fab taste in music made you somewhat of an iconic figure to a young, naive farmboy so far from home. You were both cosmopolitan and earthy. Sophisticated and simple. Irreverent but full of faith. A paradox by all means, a friend for all seasons. As young people we go through many changes, make many decisions, travel many paths and sail uncharted waters and you taught me how that frightening journey could be made facing into the wind and shouting with defiance and glee at the elements that opposed you, while keeping an eye on the heavens with a sure knowledge that somehow, all would be right. I hope you are passing that same spirit on to your progeny and I will always be proud to know that I have a great friend in you.

-Eric O.

I admire you Louise, of course, for your photography skills! But as well, you're open about your feelings and you're clearly a good mom. You're obviously persistent - getting through ANY degree with kids-- 1 or 11-- is tough. You have mad love for John & your friends. I admire you getting through your past relationships to be the person you are now and I love your "no chocolate till christmas or bust". Makes me want to be a better dieter.

-Gabrielle V.

Louise, I know that I don't know you well, but I have been extremely impressed with what I have seen. After postponing finishing up my education to raise my 6 children, I find your story extremely inspirational. As my younger children leave toddlerhood, I look to you as an example of how I'd like to model the next stage in my motherhood. I love the posts you write and enjoy seeing your cleverly worded tweets, and look forward to knowing you better in the future. Best of luck in all your new adventures!

-Charlotte L.

Louise, I admire your photography and your writing. I think it's awesome that you're a motorcycle racer. What's especially impressive is that you're able to be a mother to eleven children and earn a college degree. You are an admirably honest, open and welcoming person.

-Rod

I would just like to say that you were very inspirational to me during school. Even then you had time for everyone I wish you well and thank you.

-Lorraine M.

I admire you for finishing a college degree while having 11 children to deal with and having your own studio space and business!


-Emily

Louise, YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!!!!! And I love you just for that alone. You've been my rock, my mentor, my friend, an inspiration and a great joy to know. I hope that, no matter where you are, what you're doing, that you know you are truly loved by me and many, many more. xxxxx
All my love.

-Hazel


I will never forget that evening when I looked after ALL those kids, babies and toddlers many moons ago in the temple accommodation for you. lol! and look at them now all grown up lovely, happy, fun etc = you've definitely must have done something right! - a GREAT Mum :) Happy Birthday, Louise.

xxx

-Karen B.

I am truly amazed that you have time and energy to take care of and enjoy such a large family and you seems to handle it all with an amazing sense of humor. I also appreciate the genuine love you and John seem to share. You appear to have an immense amount of respect and adoration for each other.


-Stephanie H.

I feel privileged to share my love and thoughts.

You are like an incandescent flame shining brightly reflecting your love and incredible energy to those around you. Your amazing creative talents do not diminish your caring for the welfare of others and your intense love for her family. I will always have a great love and admiration for you, Louise.

-Angela G.

You were a councellor of mine when I served as Young Women's President, and I will be forever grateful for the support and help you gave me while I was there. You are a 'just get up and go' kind of lady. You just do things with so much confidence - and do them so well! You are completely reliable - any time I asked to do something, you would always go above and beyond to try and help. I don't know of any other woman who could successfully raise 11 children, do a degree (and get a first), magnify her church callings, run a home and be a to
tally supportive and loving wife. You're Wonder Woman! Love you Lou - thanks for everything, you are a star! All my love. xxx

-Hannah P.

I have wonderful memories of spending time with you and your family in Southport. Remember, we first met when I was 14 years old, visiting England for the first time and on my way to living in a foreign country. You were just so nice to me and made me feel so welcome, and then after we settled in Zimbabwe you wrote to me regularly. I was lucky enough to see you again 2 years later when we were moving back to Canada and again you were so good to me - the perfect hostess!

-Andrea F.W.


Lou, you are a portrait of motherhood and a pleasure to know.


-Giles

You are so kind and great at many things that can't be put into one sentence.


-Jorel

You are a lady of many talents. Your resources are extra- ordinary. I see a lady of strength and integrity. You have always been such a solid friend to me, stoic, patient,
accepting, funny, understanding, compassionate, and always willing to help when called upon. Thank you for being in my life, Louise.
-Sofia

You are a motivated, inspired lady. Wonderful, great inspiration, fun, energetic, creative, positive, compassionate.


-Angela

You are a great mum, fun to be with. You have a daft sense of humour and were a great friend when I needed one.


-Catherine H.

What an incredible woman! You amaze me! I feel tired just thinking about what you achieve each day. To cope with eleven children, cooking, cleaning, washing, studying, and a church calling, and then still have the energy to wrestle your husband to the ground! I'm so glad we've had the opportunity to build friendships and we feel blessed to have had our limited time getting to know you and love you. We wish you a happy birthday and all the very best for your adventures in Spain. We love you and admire you. Lots of love!


-Nic and the Harris Gang

There's a bond that I can't express, but having that connection helps me every day, because I know how much you love me. You are supportive and caring, and I'm grateful for that. It's a comfort knowing that you are always there. I'm really going to miss you! Hugs and kisses!


-Shelley

I remember you were always the entertainer in the family, the fun one. You always loved life and had a lot of friends. You are the most fun in the family.


-Liesl


Since I have got to know you in the last few years, I have been impressed with your zest for life, your get-up-and-go.

You are a wonderful mother and I am constantly amazed with how you just rolls up your sleeves and get on with whatever is put before you. You have given me beautiful nieces and handsome nephews, without whom my life would be empty.

I am so proud of you for achieving your degree (but with the gorgeous photos you take, how could you not?!) and so pleased that you could do that for yourself!
It is so wonderful to see you in such a happy, loving relationship. I am so grateful that you found John - someone to support you, love you, comfort you and be there for you and the children.

I love your infectious laugh!

Love you, Lou xx

-Antonia M.


As you are a wee bit older than me I always thought you were amazingly cool. As a child I remember visiting my Aunt and Uncle and playing dressing up in an old turquoise dress with a net skirt. We always fought over who got to wear it! Now I think you are awesome. You are a great mum, wife and friend. I have no idea how you manage everything but am very impressed that you do.

xxxx

-Alex F. V.


Louise, I think you are an utterly BRILLIANT person! You are a FANTASTIC wife (I can tell because of how happy you are obviously making - my old friend - your lovely John!). You are an AMAZING mother (I know because of how happy and 'loving-life' your zillions of children look in all your photos!). You are EXCEPTIONALLY CREATIVE and TALENTED (I get that from your WONDERFUL photography and, I'm sure, there are many other strings to your bow ...). You have a really FUNNY sense of humour (I can see all the fun oozing off your face
book pages!). You are HONEST and SENSITIVE (I can tell from having read bits 'n' bobs on your blog!). I admire you for all you have achieved, and I hope we get to meet some day. :) Happy Birthday! xx


-Nyree Kilgour

I have deep admiration for you, Lou. You have enough gumption, joi de vivre, and creativity to fill a minibus, studio and large Mill several times over. (No wonder you need to travel abroad for a while.) You are one of the few people I know who will listen to the points of view of others and seriously weigh them up, to consider if and how they might be of value to you. It has been a pleasure to work with you and to get to know you better as a friend over the last few years. You're a star.

-Vince

Lou, you are one of those rare people who genuinely embrace change. Most of us are fearful of it, or at least happy
to stick with the safety and comfort of what we know, but you are never afraid to try something new even if it comes completely out of the blue. This is such a valuable life skill!

You are my friend. I have always hated the phrase 'just friends' because there's no 'just' about it. To be a real friend is a BIG THING! I can be relaxed with you and comfortable talking about nothing much, and yet I wouldn't hesitate to talk to you about pretty much anything in the world. I know you would listen with complete openness and tolerance even if you couldn't relate or didn't agree. You would offer what wisdom and empathy you could, and I could be entirely confident that I had not sunk in your opinion for anything I shared. What a thing to be treasured is that kind of friendship.


You are an outstanding mother, having somehow seemed to capture that elusive mixture of discipline and yet friendship with your children. You give them both security and the knowledge that they are free to experience and learn the world for themselves. I can only hope to achieve so much.

----

(OK, I'm going to stop at that 'cause I'm tearing up already-- it's way too late and I'm tired and over-emotional! I seriously don't know what we are going to do without John and Lou. I'm only just starting to fully realise this. Anyway, great idea for a gift - if there was ever an amazing well-rounded, multi-talented person who completely does not know it, it's Lou.)


-Naomi


[Included this aside. It was precious and so right on the money.]


Lou, I am so glad that you are my sister-in-law. I feel that we have had similar experiences growing up in large, strong families in the church and that means we often have similar opinions and views which is always good when trying to deal with those Burton men. I love the strong emphasis that you put on family time and from your actions it is clear that there is nothing more important in your life. You are raising happy and confident children which is the greatest accomplishment of all. I know this is a lot to read but I think you are one of these Invisible Mums. Happy Birthday, Lou.

-Marie.

You have done a fantastic job in raising the children, who have all turned out to be children who are praised by everyone, and at the same time achieved a 1st class degree with honours. I am full of praise for you. AMAZING.


-Dad Burton

If ever I need someone for help, I know that you will always be there, and I love you for that. I will miss you very much. You are a wonderful daughter-in-law. Happy Birthday.


-Mum Burton

I am incredibly blessed to have a mum like you! :D I know that you always have things to do but you still have time in the day to talk and spend time with us!!!! You are an amazing example to us and you have helped us a lot!! When I'm upset or mad I know I can always turn to you! (Except when I'm angry with you!) :P Thank you for being an amazing mum! Happy Birthday have a great day!! Love you loads. x x x x x x x x


-Caitlyn


Happy birthday mummy!! :D You are such a great example to me!! You have taught me so much and helped me when I felt upset or angry!! You have put up with all the stupid things I have said and and done for so many years, and for that I am incredibly grateful!! I don't know how you do it!! We're all pigs yet you manage to guide us, love us, keep us strong in the church and everything that a mother could do!! And waaaaay more!! I love you so much and I am so glad you are my mother! Even though you tease us a lot about CERTAIN things ;) haha, you are also an amazing woman and I am so glad to have you as an example of what I should do and be. I love you so much that you wouldn't believe it!! Have a good time missus!! :D xxxxxxxxxxxx


-Devon


You're a great mum! I love you! Hope you have agreat birthday! Thank you for everything you put up with! (us!!) You're a great person to be around! Always smiling. Thank you for always being there for me!! Love you loads. x x xx x x

-Cerys


I love you mummy! Thank you for the yummy treats!! Happy birthday! xxxx :D


-Imogen


Mum, I think you're the BEST!! I couldn't ask for a more hardworking mum! I will love you for EVA! I love all your hugs 'n' kisses and I'm not embarrassed to be around you! :P I LOVE YOU MY AMAZING, WONDERFUL, FABULOUS MUMMY!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


-Ceiledh


Mum you're an amazing photographer as well as a mum!! I could write loads but you already know how much you mean to me! xx

-Cameron

Mum you're great!! Thank you sooo much for everything! xx xx

-Harry

Your hair is nice! You're a very, very nice mum. A great cook and I love you loads. xxxx

-William

I love that you always give me hugs and kisses before bed and that you always help me read and write. I think you're an amazing cook! I love you mummy. xxxxxxx


-Caleb


I love Mum and I love her stuff. Thank you, Mum, for helping me read and write. You are an amazing helper.


-Jared

Mum, you're very creative and always seems to know what to do. You're a great cook, have good taste in music, and you're a great mum.


-Owen


Mummy Louise, first off I want to tell you how amazing you are! And how much I actually love you! :) (Which Is A HUGE Amount!!!:)) Thank you for taking me under your wing and taking care of me, and loving me like your own daughter. You are such an amazing example to me, and have taught me a lot that I will take with me through life and never forget! :) One of your many talents, is that you listen and you totally understand, and you give the BEST advice ever. You always made time to listen to me, no matter what you were doing or where you were, and when we had finished chatting, i would feel 100% better! I am deeply greatful for that! :) I just want to let you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. You are a great strength to me, and I know that if there is anyone I need to turn to, I know that you will always be there! :) You are loved by sooo many people who admire what you have achieved in life and for just being YOU! :) Thank you for everything! :) x x x

-Sarah 

Yes suckers, I am a lucky man. You are everything they say and more. You also have magical healing powers, and ninja skills. You are my kind of woman-- pretty, smart, and funny. Your ducks are in the right order; you even rearrange my ducks from time to time. You are a person who is not afraid to feel things. I have seen you tremble with love for people. I have seen you give when you felt empty. You are my leading lady, and I smile to myself when I think that after a long day is over you want to be with me.

-John (the good looking one)

Letting Go

John and I queued in Lidl yesterday laden with shopping. I noticed the lady at the check out, blond, Polish, mid 20's. Lidl cashiers are renowned for putting your shopping through at top speed, dropping cans onto soft bread and throwing you out the store leaving you needing counselling for post traumatic stress disorder. But this girl was having trouble concentrating on scanning the groceries of the woman in front of us. Then I noticed why. She could not take her eyes off John. Ha! Made me laugh right away. Not only that, but when she noticed, I had noticed she just gave me a big smile as if to say "caught me, but I don't care". John then looked from one of us the other and caught on (men can be slow about this type of thing). I then left him to pay and receive the change. John then commented "I have never had 'come to bed eyes' when receiving grocery change before!" We both laughed and left the shop.

It was only later that I realized how far I have come. Not only did I enjoy the whole experience of a woman checking out my husband, but I felt secure and non-threatened in any way. She was attractive, blond, and since Poland is part of the EU, she was not looking for a British passport! Yet I had not taken anything from the experience but amusement.

I had had one bad relationship after another. I used to think that only losers were attracted to me. It was maturity and life experience that taught me that it was actually me that was attracted to losers. I had numerous boyfriends and one husband cheat on me. So there are some scars there and I have been overly jealous and unnecessarily wary about female attention directed at my husband.

So what has changed? Well I have learned that there are women out there better than me. There are more attractive, more talented, more funny, more everything. And that is ok. I am me. I have my own unique mix of positive attributes and I have to trust the fact that John has chosen me because of them.

John has an academic friend who can do everything . . . and she is attractive! She sings opera, acts, teaches at Queen's University in Northern Ireland, plays numerous instruments to perfection, travels, is an interior designer, rich and single. She is a wonderful friend to John and supports him with is PhD and has certain things I don't have in common with John. I have learned that that is just fine. If he had wanted an academic for a partner, he would have chosen one. I have started to let go of worrying about being everything to John. I can never be everything. But I can be his One. I am his love, his life, his future. The mother to his wonderful kids. The tenacious driving force that encourages him in every positive move he makes in his life. I am his wife! But I am not everything.

I have recently had an experience that shook me a little. John and I have an close friend that he shared some intimate details with. He sat and talked to me about what he had shared and asked if it was ok? We had to regroup. We had to decide what was just for me and him and what could be shared. What could threaten us. We are not impervious. We are not indestructible. We have our weaknesses. There is a certain amount of appropriate policing needed. I don't have all the answers to this. We are counselled by our church leaders to be careful, to protect that sacred bond of marriage. To keep certain things just for our partners. I do struggle with this myself sometimes; not that I have a problem keeping my covenants, but just knowing where these boundaries should be. "Marriage partners must be loyal to one another and faithful in their marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed." John told me about a talk by Elder Packer that says we can not stop a bird landing on our head, but we can stop it building a nest there.

I think that my relationships with women in the past have been destroyed by my jealousy and my inability to celebrate their gifts and talents without me feeling it was taking something from me. I often remark to John how I see women much more territorial than men. But letting go has brought me so much. I have much more love for the women I meet in my life and much more love for John. I accept the love he gives me and love that other women can enjoy him.

But, please notice the name of this post. 'Letting Go'. It is in the present tense. I am not there yet :)