Moving to Seville has brought about some interesting conversations between John and I. Today we talked about friends. People we leave behind and new friends to be made. I am not one for having close friends. My family are my world and we are a close unit that depend on each other. I have always been quite self sufficient, not needing others (outwardly) but keeping my head down and getting on with life. John was commenting today on how I should be more open to others around me, more aware of others needs. Wow this makes me sound cold and unfeeling. Of course I have friends. Friends I love and depend on. But they are few and far between. I have often found women to be competitive, threatened and sometimes outright cruel. There is often a playground mentality where they want you to be their only friend and jealous for no reason. High maintenance 'friends' who leave you drained after a visit seem like too much for me right now when I have 11 children to raise and a husband to support. But then I don't want to be that kind of friend to others who is always needy and has nothing to give. So perhaps this can be a fresh start for me. John wisely said that friendship is not about finding the perfect friend but about ignoring the imperfections of the friends we have, enjoying the good they have to offer and the good that we can return. So when I say new start, it's not because here is a chance for me to make new friends, but a new start on appreciating the friends I have made over the years and being a better friend to them.
3 comments:
Wow. That is a interesting perspective on friendship and how to be a better friend. Gives me a lot to think about.
I've never been one for a lot of close friends, either. But the few I have I can go years without seeing and pick up right where we left off.
I know what you mean about other women. Somehow I was born without the proper filters to understand the games women play. They leave me bewildered.
I like the thoughts on friendship, that we should take what things they have to offer instead of worrying about what they are not cable of giving.
@ Steph Thanks, yes makes me think about how sometimes it is also the things I hate about myself I can't cope in other women - if I changed I would make better friends and be one.
@Charlotte Yes, I have those friends that feel secure in the knowledge that I love them and I don't have to have any contact and yet still just pick up where we left off when I see them. I think that taking the good from people and ignoring all the crappy stuff is so easy to say and so much harder to do. I think it is actually a choice, when we choose to love people in spite of all the annoying stuff (which we often do with family)then the annoying stuff just doesn't seem as important any more.
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