Yesterday my oldest son looked me in the eye and told me he did not need me any more. He could look after himself. He had decided he did not want to move. He was going to stay and live with his Grandparents. He was angry. He even said "don't punish us because of your insecurities! Just because you think everyone hates you!" WHAT THE HECK!!! I pointed out that trying to throw my weaknesses at me did not give his argument strength. There was a lot said and we came to an agreement about giving it until Christmas. Not my idea. I was exhausted, hurt and thrown because here was a boy that had never challenged me in any way. He never complained, he never asked for anything. Oh no! I suddenly saw his whole life. I have moved him 10 times in 16 years. I have left him on his first days of school in new schools crying. I have wept all the way home. His birth father left him when he was 8. He had supported me through the divorce and disappearing act of his Dad. Embraced his new Dad and made the best of everything. Here was a 6ft hero in front of me. 16. Thinking he is so grown up and ready to take on the world by himself.
I am a Mum. What do I do? Cry. I realized that Mums are like big huge pieces of play-dough. Their kids come and take a handful, looking for the right colour that they need. We smile and try to smooth over the hole, hoping no one will notice. It is completely impossible to put into words how much I love this boy. I realize I will never be ready for him to go. It is inevitable, that is what I have been training him for. I have had 16 years of adoring from him, the fact that he thinks he can make it alone now means I have done a good job right?
Anyway. 16. An age where you see your parents' faults (although I do not think everyone hates me, I don't think anyone hates me), an age where you want to be treated like an adult, an age where you want to make some choices that are not your parents' to prove your adultness. I remember it. My boy seems to be doing a much better job of it than I did. And, no, I would never want to go back and do it again!
4 comments:
So what you're saying is enjoy my next 3 years with my oldest. (And/or 2 more moves- we're already at 8) I keep wondering when I switch from adored role model to faulty progenitor.
(Although I've heard it is earlier for girls and so might come at any minute for me.)
Good luck! When you say give it till Christmas, so you mean living at grandparents or living in Spain? Either way, good luck!
Louise,my oldest was the most incredible kid and we were so close,then she turned 16 and her brain leaked out her ear and her parents became imbeciles.LOl
I was devastated that she had free agency (wasnt planning on letting her know about that til she was at least 30 lol) So,she moved out on her own,went to school,lost a cheer scholarship,dance scholarship and an academic scholarship within 2 semesters (who knew you REALLY do have to go to class in college)She blames all of this on the fact that i moved her from Northern Utah to Southern Utah (five hours) when she was 13. Actually right now she blames me for anything and everything including the weather :)
I have been assured that they eventually find those missing brain cells and go on to lead productive lives since we raised them well and gave them an incredible foundation.Some days this is a comfort... . and others its not.Luckily the other kids are rather nice to be around and Jenny is living with Grandma and Grandpa and going to community college up north. Just hang on to the thought that we are still the parents,hes still a child,and this too shall pass :)
Wow. That's tough. We've been very blessed to have our 17 year old be the opposite of Stac and us, who had a rebellious stage ourselves (Stac got sent away to Bear Lake at 16) she is such a well organized and all put together young lady. But.... Sofi tends to be much more stubborn headed and Friday I sat in the hallway with Miles outside his kindergarden room for 2 hours, he wouldn't go in. So I think our due is coming. Agency is a hard thing to allow in our loved ones, hang in their.
Finally got internet and able to read your lovely comments thank you. Cameron really went through Hell moving here and is now settling in so well and giving everything to learning Spanish and making new friends. I am so proud of him and see such a new maturity and change in him. Our whole family have grown so much with this whole experience. And we have only been here a month! Must find time to blog again and do an update.
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